Denied
by Fallen Wind
Summary: Amiboshi has more than just brotherly affection for Suboshi. But what if when Suboshi finds out he doesn't feel the same way...
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi, because if I did this story wouldn't be on a fan fiction. Oh well..... please don't sue me I'm to poor and I know that Fushigi Yuugi belongs to the lucky Yu Watase.  
  
Warnings: There will be shounen ai and incest. If you don't like one or both of them then don't read this story.  
  
Author's Notes: Hi everybody. I came up with this idea a while ago, but didn't feel like writing it because my conscious told me I should be working on school projects, or at least my other fan fictions. I eventually made a compromise.... i worked for over 2 hours on a project, started, but not finished, other chapters, then wrote this chapter. I know this chapter is very short, but the spot where I stopped just seemed like where I should cut off. The only bright side on doing this is that I will most likely finish the next chapter shortly. Please read and review.  
  
Extra Note: In this story Suboshi and Amiboshi call each other by their real names because heck do you think that they would just call each other by their Seiryu names. Any ways, I still call them Amiboshi and Suboshi, it's just that hey call each other by their real names. If this made any sense at all thanks for reading this.  
  
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The sound of a flute could be heard on the wind in Kutou's imperial gardens. Though no one would know where the musician was, and that was exactly what Amiboshi wanted. He wanted to be left alone to contemplate his feelings and thoughts.  
  
Amiboshi was in a secluded part of Kutou's garden. It was surrounded by a tall hedge on three sides and a person would only be able to see the seishi if they were in a single position, otherwise no one would notice he was there.  
  
He was playing in the branches of a flowering sakura tree. All of the petals blew around him in waves, but Amiboshi noticed none of this because he was to deep in thought about his emotions.  
  
Amiboshi finally stopped playing and watched the petals flutter to the ground. He was so confused, for he could not understand these new feelings for his twin brother, Shunkaku.  
  
Suddenly a flash of light went through his head and he knew what the emotions were. He softly cried out, "Why Seiryu, Why? Please tell me why these emotions must be mine? What have I ever done to deserve this,...... or rather why must I have *these* feelings for my own beloved brother." Amiboshi's heart was filled with anguish, for he knew that he would have to bear this love for the rest of his life and also conceal it, unless he wanted Shun to leave him forever. He knew that if the event ever occurred his heart would shatter into thousands of pieces and he would die, all alone.  
  
Amiboshi did not realize that he was crying until he saw the tears land onto his flute. He tired to straighten up and refuse to cry, but it was useless. All he could do was balance on the branches and try to cry away his grief.  
  
Amiboshi didn't even notice when he fell out of the tree and onto the solid ground. He just laid there motionless, except for the shudders of his tears. The tears seemed to never end until he fell into a deep, dreamless slumber.  
  
~*~  
  
Suboshi was wandering aimlessly around the Kutou gardens in search of his aniki. He tried to follow the sound of his aniki's reed flute but the wind blew the sound everywhere, as if to conceal the musician.  
  
Suboshi was just about to walk around another pathway when he caught the glimpse of some blueish-lavendar clothing. He quickly ran to where he had seen it, while shouting, "Aniki?!"  
  
When Suboshi finally reached what he suspected to be Koutoku's hiding place, he found his aniki lying on the ground fast asleep. even though harm had come ot his brother, Suboshi was worried because he saw the stains of tears on Koutoku's cheeks.  
  
Carefully he picked his aniki up into his arms and started to walk back to their room. He knew that questions would have to wait until another time, for he didn't have the heart to wake his brother up.  
  
Eventually Suboshi reached the palace. He quickly went to his and his brother's room. Suboshi gently laid his brother onto a bed, for he was still asleep. Suboshi decided that he would wait in the room until his aniki awoke, so he could ask what was wrong and try to make it better. For Koutoku had been acting strange for quite some time, especially when he was around.  
  
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Thank you for reading this *very* short chapter. There will be more coming..... eventually. Please review, I will take both compliments and flames. Considering I'll be happy just having people actually review. 


	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I still do not own Fushigi Yuugi or the characters within, for they belong to the lucky Yu Watase... and not me. Please do not sue me for my misfortunes for I am to poor to pay.  
  
Warnings: uhhhh....Shounen ai and incest...... if ya don't like don't read.  
  
Author's Note: Hi everybody. I finally have finished another chapter. I'm sorry it has taken me so long, but I've got tons of big projects to do and so little time to do it. If this seems really short to you, I'm very sorry and will try to make the next one longer if it's possible. So, I hope ya all like this chapter. Please read and review.  
  
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Suboshi had been waiting for his brother to wake up for a few hours. Suboshi was getting rather impatient waiting for his aniki to wake up. Every time his brother would move or struggle in his sleep, he would jump off his chair and run over to Koutoku... but every time Koutoku would still be asleep.  
  
Suboshi was getting very bored. He was having to watch his ryuseisui spin to keep himself awake, which is rather sad. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Suboshi saw the signs of his brother waking up. For some reason he slid over to the door and locked, 'you can never be too careful...' When he saw his brother slowly sit up he walked over and stated, "We need to talk."  
  
~*~  
  
Amiboshi yawned, as he slowly sat up. He was quite confused, for he remembered being outside in his place in the Kutou gardens and now here he was in his room on his bed.  
  
When Amiboshi heard, a serious voice say, "We need to talk ", he looked startled when he looked up to see Shunkaku standing over him with a very serious look on his face.  
  
Amiboshi hesitated, but quietly asked, "About what?"  
  
Shunkaku just stared harder at him and said, "Oh, I don't know. How 'bout why you've been avoiding me lately, why you won't talk to, and how 'bout you act very strange when we're alone together..."  
  
Amiboshi winced mentally, but tried to act confused, "What do you mean?"  
  
Amiboshi heard Shunkaku's voice stress, "You know exactly what I mean. Please Aniki, please. Tell me what is bothering you, for I will try to make it better. Just please talk to me!" Amiboshi felt tears hit his hand. When he looked up, he saw his brother crying openly.  
  
Amiboshi brought his hand up to Shunkaku's face and wiped away the tears. He sighed and locked eyes with Shunkaku. He then spoke in a soft, saddened voice, "Do you really want to know Shun... do you really want to know..."  
  
He heard a loud agreement from his brother. So he slowly ot out of bed and walked over to Shunkaku. When he reached Shunkaku he lifted Shunkaku's chin a little and brought his lips to meet his brother's confused ones.  
  
~*~  
  
Suboshi was very surprised when his brother kissed him. He was expecting something very strange, but not this. This action was so just so unexpected. 'I knew he had a problem, but i didn't expect it to be this confusing... I mean how was I supposed to suspect that Koutoku loves me more than a brotherly way... Who would expect this?'  
  
Suddenly Suboshi felt Koutoku's lips tear away from his. Unintentionally, Suboshi raised his hand to his lips and looked questioningly at Koutoku. As he lifted his hand, he saw his aniki's eyes filled with hope turn into a shroud of pain and dark emotions. This recent action disturbed Suboshi more than the kiss ever could, for he saw Koutoku's beacon of hope shatter into nothingness.  
  
~*~  
  
As Amiboshi saw his brother touch his lips in disgust, he knew that his love was one sided. Shunkaku didn't love him the same way, he only loved him as much as brothers should love each other.  
  
'I bet he thinks I'm sick for loving him... brothers aren't suppose to love each other in this way... but I do love him in this way, so how am I suppose to cope with this situation...' as Amiboshi was in conflict with his mind and emotions he felt himself quickly move to the farthest corner of the room.  
  
'...I don't deserve to be Shunkaku's brother... after all I'm just a screwed up freak that loves him... I bet he'll hate me for this... I really don't deserve to be his twin, he deserves one better then me... one that does freakin' love him in this way...' With this train of thought going on, Amiboshi slumped to the floor and hugged his knees to his chest.  
  
When Amiboshi looked up at Suboshi's face he saw so much confusion and worry on his brothers face that he started to panic and started rocking, repeating over and over again, "I'm sorry. so sorry. I didn't mean to... Please forgive me..." As he spoke these broken phrases, his breathing became shorter and his lungs were screaming for air.  
  
~*~  
  
Suboshi watched in shock as his brother retreated to the farthest corner of the room and started saying apologies over and over again. Half of what Suboshi heard he did not understand. He became very worried when he saw Koutoku's shorter and faster breathing pattern, and realized that he was hyperventilating.  
  
Suboshi quickly ran to his brother's side and put his hand on his aniki's shoulder. Unfortunately that was a wrong move, for Koutoku flinched and tried move farther away from him.  
  
Suddenly, Suboshi saw that Koutoku was struggling very hard to breath and that he was swaying back and forth in a dizzy like motion. Finally Koutoku fell unconscious in Suboshi's arms.  
  
Suboshi silently got up and picked his brother off the floor and onto the same bed that he had been in a few moments ago. Suboshi choked out into the silence of the room, "Why Aniki?! What is wrong with you... I still do not understand the situation that you and I are in... for I am not as strong and smart as you." With these words, Suboshi fell to the ground crying loudly his anguish and confusion.  
  
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Very short and kinda sad.... poor Amiboshi-kun... Can't think of anything else to say, so PLEASE review and tell me whatcah think of this fic so far. I'll try to update a new chapter soon. 


	3. Chapter Three

Disclaimer: I still don't and won't ever own Fushigi Yuugi. They belong to the great Yu Watase. Although I think I own the fish in the story.... I'm not sure, but I might.  
  
Warning: Uhhh.... crying, emotional stuff, some incest & shounen ai.... although its one sided, nothing great..... for the time being.  
  
Author's Note: Hi! I finally finished chapter three. I want to especially thank RyogazGal, for motivation, and all of the other wonderful reviewers and writers who helped me get motivated. Thanks. Anyway, I'm thinking of doing all these other fics, one is where Amiboshi goes blind, sounds weird right, and some others nothing solid though. Please read and review.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Amiboshi slowly woke up cracking a smile as he sighed. He hadn't slept like this in ages. When he sat up he froze, he saw Shunkaku curled up on the floor with tear stains streaking down his face.  
  
Suddenly everything that had happened so recently came crqashing back to him. He almost burst into tears at the realization of what he had done. He dropped back onto the bed trying to calm down and get his mind straight.  
  
After he had settled the memories, emotions, and breathing, he turned to his side, so he could look at his brother's peaceful form. Slowly, Amiboshi slung his hand off the bed and started playing with Shun's hair. 'Hopefully this doesn't wake him up...' Luckily it seemed that Shunkaku was in a very deep sleep, for once.  
  
As Amiboshi tangled and twisted Shun's hair, he felt so much desire, love, and passion for his brother. The emotions were hypnotizing and seemed to draw him closer and closer into their grasp . As he looked down at his brother he noticed how smooth his lips were, and thought how soft they must feel if they were against his own... Amiboshi quickly jerked his hand away and clutched his head. He would not- could not think of his brother in that way, or at least not while he was so close.  
  
Amiboshi heard his brother stir and pulled his body farther back from him, just incase his emotions overtook him. He heard Shunkaku yawn and say, "How are you Aniki? Are you feeling any better?" He saw that Shun was looking up at him, he just looked and sounded so innocent, not knowing about the inner battle going inside of his dear aniki.  
  
Amiboshi cracked smiled, "I feel much better now Shun. Would you like to come with me to the kitchens for breakfast?" As he said this he realized he didn't want to be so close to his brother. 'Damn. I'm such an idiot. A few hours ago I kissed him to tell him that I loved him and he was frightened by it. How can I hide myself from him. When I just invited him to eat with me! I'm such a baka!'  
  
~*~  
  
Suboshi smiled and agreed to breakfast. He was so happy that Koutoku was feeling better. 'Maybe when he kissed me it was accidental or he was hallucinating or somthin'... oh well I guess it doesn't really matter. All I want to do is to spend some time alone with him, and see if he can give me advice for some of my problems...' "I'm so happy that you're feeling better Aniki! Will you come to the gardens with me after breakfast?"  
  
After the comment was made he saw Koutoku's smile falter and his eyes cloud in thought. This action made him nervous, what had he said to make his aniki upset and tense.  
  
After a few minutes he saw Koutoku smile and say," Of course I'll come with you. How could I say no to that."  
  
Suboshi just smiled and shrugged,"I don't know, just thought that you might be busy or somthin'." He quickly got up and started to drag his brother in the direction of the kitchens.  
  
~*~  
  
Amiboshi was getting really nervous, being all alone with Shun in a secluded part of the gardens just watching fish swim in a small pond, even though he'd only been there for a few minutes.  
  
He almost jumped when Shun held one of his hands in his own. His face looked very serious, this caused him to panic. 'Oh no. He's gonna ask... about the kiss... What will I say... What am I supposed to say... in a situation such as this...'  
  
Slowly he heard Shun say, "Aniki will you give me some advice?" Amiboshi almost fell over with the shocking relief that Shunkaku wasn't going to ask him questions about the kiss.  
  
Amiboshi smiled with relief and replied, "Of course Shun." Shunkaku made a hesitant smile and nodded. Although Shun was smiling, Amiboshi could tell it was fake, by looking at Shun's clasped hands and the fear and uncertainty in his eyes.  
  
Shun let out a slow breath and started speaking. "Well... I kinda like this one girl, but I don't know what to tell her... Like should I tell her the truth... or just keep it to myself....", Shunkaku slowly faltered at that moment, but tried to act calm and continue. " What I mean is... I love this girl, but I'm not supposed to love her... she even likes someone else.... and I don't think she gives a damn about me... but I love her still... I'd do anything for her, even though she's completely cold to me..... Oh Aniki, what should I do?" By the end of Shun's speech his eyes were filled with tears and he was so frightened and nervous, that it looked like he would run away, this very moment.  
  
The speech was so depressing for Amiboshi. He knew now that his brother didn't love him... and never would love him. He was normal, he even was in love with a girl. Even though this was what he had expected Amiboshi was about to cry. How could he help his brother when he couldn't help himself in a situation close to this.  
  
Slowly he felt a tear fall down his cheek as he looked into the expecting eyes of his brother and quietly said, "I'm sorry Shun, but I can't help you with this..,. I can't even help myself... You should try to get advice from someone else... or just try to figure it out yourself...." Amiboshi quickly sprinted away from his confused and disappointed brother. He couldn't handle being in this situation.  
  
He felt tears run down his cheeks as he ran blindly away from the garden. He needed to be alone, maybe he could find peace in solitude, or at least be able to cry where no one could see or hear him.  
  
~*~  
  
As Suboshi watched in shock as his brother ran away with tears splashing down his face, he didn't know what to do. His brother couldn't give him any help, and apparently he couldn't even solve his own problems.  
  
Suboshi stared in the direction that Koutoku had ran, but he didn't move. Koutoku needed to be alone, solitude helped comfort him in strange ways. Suboshi sighed, he would have to wait for his brother to come to him.  
  
Slowly Suboshi got up to start walking to his and his twin's room. Nothing would be the same, for it looked like Koutoku was changing. The changes were very frightening, but Suboshi would help his brother through it all, no matter what. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Thanks for reading. Please review, I'm hoping to get around 15 reviews before I post it. It might take me longer or shorter to right it though.... depends on my schedule... Thanks again. Ja! 


	4. Chapter Four

Disclaimer: I still don't own the twins or Fushigi Yuugi.... I'm just way too poor.  
  
Warning: Shounen ai, kissing, incest...... can't think anymore....  
  
A/N: Hi everybody! I've finally had time to update this story, considering the huge projects I had to do and my computer-less and interenet-less trip. The only thing I did on the trip was think of many ideas for new fics. I also realized that my fic Grief's Bondage has almost no point. I went way off track with the twins when it was supposed to be a bit more about Tasuki, but oh well I always seem to add the twins anyway. Now back to this fanfiction. I hope you enjoy reading this and please review.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* After what seemed like ages Amiboshi collapsed on the ground from his continuous running. He didn't know what he was doing any more. He was completely out of control. His brother never would love him in the same way, he was even in love with some girl that didn't even give him a loving glance. 'What's so special about her anyway?'  
  
Slowly he pushed himself off the ground to get his face out of the wild grass. When he looked around he noticed that he was in his usual, but not so secret place of solitude. He nearly laughed about how even though he was hanging over the edge he was still able to make his way to this spot.  
  
He slowly, but painfully, attempted to stand but failed miserably and landed right next to the sakura tree that he cherished. Slowly he got into a sitting position and looked at the sakura. He softly spoke, "Oh dear friend. I wish to talk to you about my miserable life, if that isn't to much to ask..." He paused, but after an awkward moment of silence continued. "I have come to love my brother, in such a way... most people would call it incestuous. They would say that it's not natural to love your brother and identical twin... they're probably right too... but I don't care! Some might even say that I only seem to love him, but I'm really just in love with my own image, but that's not how it is. I love everything about Shun, from the way he walks to how he laughs. Everything. But I hate myself... I don't really deserve him, not really, I'm just a person that always needs solitude and runs away from all their problems and difficult situations. I hope you understood a little bit of what I said although I won't ever be able to understand it myself..."  
  
After his pathetic speech that he told to a... tree. He felt better even though he noticed what he just did was beyond loneliness. As he tried to push the thought away he got out his flute and began to play all his self turmoil into his song.  
  
~*~  
  
Suboshi had been waiting in his room for hours. The sun was already setting for Seiryu's sake. "Where could Aniki be?!" He had been pacing the room ever since he got back. What if something had happen to his aniki... although it wasn't very likely. Aniki could really handle tough situations better than anyone else.  
  
Suboshi quickly turned his head at the soft creak of the door opening. He quickly pounced on the figure. "Aniki!" The recent action left Suboshi on top of his brother who ended up with his back against the wall.  
  
"Uhhhh.... Hello Shun." Koutoku said with a smile and a strange gleam in his eyes. He slowly tried to push Suboshi off of him... but it didn't work out. He ended up gasping and his arm gripping at his side.  
  
Quickly Suboshi scrambled off and helped him... actually carried him onto the bed. He worriedly asked, "What's wrong? What happened?!"  
  
Koutoku weakly patted Suboshi's hand. "I must still be weak from last night..." Suboshi all most asked what was wrong when Koutoku awkwardly stopped, but decided not to and instead inquired, "Maybe I should get the doctor..."  
  
Before he could finish Koutoku quickly said, "No, no, I'm find I just need a little rest..."  
  
"Are you sure?" Suboshi was getting even more agitated about his aniki. What could have caused his injuries and why would he be acting this way.  
  
"Yes, I'm sure," stated Koutoku, although he looked like he was lieing. Well, actually he looked like he was going to collapse any second now.  
  
Suboshi slowly edged to the door. " Maybe I should... Just to make sure. Ya know you can't be too careful. Although those shrinks usually are just a waste of time..."  
  
"Why don't you just do it!"  
  
Suboshi just stared at his brother who just about screamed at him for being worried. He hadn't even done anything besides trying to make sure he was all right. "Are you sure..."  
  
"I am. And you might want to check before I sprint out of this room." Suboshi gaped at his brother, again, he'd never been this irritable. 'Something must be really wrong with him, or I'm just going crazy.'  
  
Very cautiously Suboshi edged back over to his brother. He softly stated, "I hope your happy that I'm going to have to 'exam' you now. And I don't have a clue on how to do it, or what to look for." After that said he put his hand on his aniki's forehead. He almost flinched away from the heat. He mindlessly said, "Aniki, you're burning up! You must have a fever or something."  
  
Koutoku replied, "I might, but I have an idea. Shun can you tell if there's anything wrong with you?"  
  
Suboshi hit his head for not remebering, "I can't believe I forgot I could do that. I'm such a idiot." Suboshi carefully looked and felt to see if there was anything wrong with himself. When he got to his ribs he felt a very sharp pain and gasped, but besides that and a weird distant feverish feeling, there wasn't anything.  
  
When he looked at Koutoku to say that he was finished. He saw that his brother had his hands gripped painfully. His brother softly asked, "So what does the 'doctor' have to say?"  
  
Suboshi just laughed and said, "Well, I think you've got a fever and maybe broke your ribs, but besides that there's nothing." After that said he gently laid down next to Koutoku and sighed.  
  
~*~  
  
When Shun laid next to him, Amiboshi became frightened and felt the need of his brother become overwhelming. 'I can't let this happen. He's my twin brother, he's even in love with some girl. I have to control myself... ~ but why should you? You deserve it and he would be more than willing to give it to you if you asked...~' Amiboshi almost gasped at the inner voice that popped out of no where. It kept on telling why he had the right to touch and love his brother, and made him start to believe its lies.  
  
Slowly Amiboshi shifted to look at his brother. Shun had his eyes closed and looked like he was peacefully sleeping, or something to that extent. Amiboshi just stared with passion and love at his brother. Cautiously Amiboshi inched his way closer to Shun until he was towering over him. Silently he bent forward and started to passionately kiss Shunkaku.  
  
When he first started the kiss he saw his brother's eyes open with confusion which quickly changed into shock and fear. Shun quickly started to fight him and tried to scream when he forced his mouth open with his tongue. He quickly let his tongue dive in for the small bit of flavor of his brother.  
  
Finally Amiboshi broke the kiss because of the need for oxygen. After he got his panting breath under control he looked down to see that his brother was crying uncontrollably. In Shun's eyes he saw pain, shock, and even fear.  
  
Amiboshi quickly flung himself off the bed, away from his brother, when he saw the pain, the broken trust which had built over the years come crashing down. He knew that it was all his fault. He didn't control his emotions, his need for his twin. He felt his broken heart be obliterated in to nothingness by the despair that he had just hurt the one he treasured more than life itself. He felt tears start to roll down his cheeks, but didn't care because the agony he felt was just too great.  
  
When he heard the soft foot steps of his brother he knew his life had ended. There was no place for him in this world. He quickly calmed himself down when he saw the figure of Shunkaku stop before him. He slowly looked up into the eyes that held so much pain.  
  
Shunkaku asked in distress, "Why Aniki?! Why did you do that? What's wrong with you? You've been acting so strange. You've been avoiding me, you won't even talk to me, and now you've kissed me for the second time! What's wrong with you? I don't understand!"  
  
Amiboshi just stared while Shunkaku uttered the words of pain. He couldn't believe that Shun hadn't figured it out yet. Slowly he pushed himself up and softly spoke with no emotion what so ever, "Haven't you figured it out Shun? I thought you would have by now. I have to stay away from you, or else I'll hurt you again. Maybe even worse than what I've just done. I do this for you, Shun. It hurts me every time we're apart, even though it's the best thing for us. Sometimes I even hurt myself when I forced myself into solitude because I thought if I was with you I'd end up hurting you, but if I hurt myself it wouldn't matter because unless you pay close attention to our bond you wouldn't notice anything..."  
  
Suboshi just stood there staring at him and quietly asked, "What could cause you to hurt me Aniki. I still don't understand what's wrong with you?"  
  
Amiboshi swallowed and dropped his eyes to the floor when he spoke, "I love you Shun... That's the reason I have to stay away from you because if I don't then my love for you will over come my mind and will and hurt you. And I don't want that ever to happen. I'm sorry Shunkaku. I never wanted this to happen, but I love you and I'll keep on loving you no matter what happens, because I can't push my emotions away. I'm really sorry Shun, if only I could destroy my emotions then none of this would have happened...."  
  
Amiboshi quickly looked up at his brother and saw the shock and pain on his face. Quickly he picked himself up and ran away. Trying to run away from his problems, his pain. He kept on running when he ran out of the Kutou palace, even though it was raining. He didn't even notice how wet he was or how it was very cold and dark. All he did know was that this was the only thing he could do for his brother, to leave. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I hope you liked this. Please tell me what you like so far..... And maybe I'll write update faster. 


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